Tuesday, 24 April 2012
Thursday, 9 February 2012
For once I do agree. But on who deserves it, I may differ.
Sigh! How crazy can he get! He goes far into the future, of his own choice, and he wants to change it just because it doesn’t conform with current ideals, ideals that are in fact on the way out. He’s intruding into the future, enforcing our own concepts on them, them who have had nearly a millennium to learn how to improve on our world.
So he did go the Mayor’s office tower on Monday, and he grumbled. And grumbled. And grumbled. About traffic, about lane sizes, road tolls, pedestians, buses, bikes, trucks, speed limits, intersections, parking, ticket machines, shading, only to mention a few. Yet he was staying in an apartment practically above a National Bus, Tram and Subway (NBTS) train station on a line going straight to the Mayor’s office. And did I mention the complimentary BuzzRider provided by NBTS to buyers of their apartments. He could’ve just caught the 2-minutely fast and immaculate subway. I digress.
Don’t listen to him. You’d think with all those years they would’ve built more roads, more lanes, higher speed limits, overpasses, no traffic lights, more parking, you get the gist. But instead I’m stuck behind a hippie cyclist who wants to use the middle of the sole east-bound car lane. I thought they could’ve given everyone cars by now. And I’m certainly not going down to that grimy subway and mixing with the masses, thank you very much.
So I shelled out the $1.20 for an hour and a half’s parking, and I headed into the city government office. I looked at the marble flooring. Taxpayers money down the drain. I took a lift and went to the Mayor’s office on the 67th floor, the top of the building. But I endured and knocked on the door. Loudly.
Let’s just say they had an incident. Hade presented his suburban vision for New Buzz, the mayor defended the city and saw the flaws in Hade’s plane. Hade called the Mayor, ummm, names, and long story short, he was forced out of the city and bought a house just outside the city, in semi-rural surroundings. He loved it. I stayed in the apartment
However, Hade did not give up. He set up a website, attracted two international tourists to his cause, and they pooled their financial resources (most of which was from the tourists) to open a storefront in the outskirts of the city, because ‘the buildings were more bearable’. They installed a plethora of security cameras, since the buildings were only shorter because it was a bad part of the city, which I heard was very reluctant to be amalgamated into city government. He’s crazy but he deserves an E for effort.
Sunday, 1 January 2012
Of course money’s the root of evil, you profit driven machi.. oh wait...
I was obviously unconscious, but my nice little time machine just told me that I fell, unconscious, onto a ledge. Well, anyone who isn’t a robot would do that if they saw how horrible we would become. Why couldn’t we keep our comfortable and peaceful suburban homes, with backyards and space and parks, and by that I mean proper local parks, not the ones you share with another million people living within walking distance of it. I know why, actually. This city is nothing but a profit machine for the mayor and his cronies, whoever that is.
Now he’s just spouting rubbish from his mouth. Who wants boring suburbs when you’ve got exciting cities like this, with diversity, culture and events, and nice large green parks while we’re talking about ‘peace’. And the mayor in this town is a very friendly man, goes by the name of Michael Phillips. They even share surnames, what a coincidence.
I knew what to do. I’d be talking to this mayor-CEO. I found out he did video chat with his ‘subjects’ on Saturdays, and it was 11:30 Friday night, so I waited, drew up protest posters, drafted new zoning laws, anything to pass the time. He was available straight away.
Mayor- Hello, sir. What would ...
Hade- I’m a visitor to New Buzz and I, uh...
Mayor- Welcome to our great city, what’s your name?
Hade- Hade, a very ...
Mayor- Did you like our parks? Culture? Shopping?
Hade- Not at all! Your city is a crowded miserable slum!
Mayor- I’m sorry for your bad experiences, would you like to know about some of our official tourist attractions?
Hade- No! I want you to stop your corrupt tyrannical rule and give back to the people. I’m sure they’d like a few large houses, and SUVs while we’re at it, and ohhh...
Mayor- We deeply apologise and I’m sure we could rectify your issues if you came to my office on Monday.
Hade- No! I want it now!
Mayor- I’m sorry, but I’ve got other callers, hope your visit will improve, and remember, our offices...
Hade- No, you ***...
The mayor hung up. I was infuriated. I’d be going there first thing Monday morning and saying it to him face to face, he deserves it that ****.
Friday, 16 December 2011
The roots of evil (are not money)
I was giddy to try out my new time machine, and for good reason – I was working on it since I was 9 back in 1997, just day-dreaming about time-machines, when my mind clicked, and I knew what I had to do. The process of making the time machine became much more complicated than I had thought, but I eventually finished.
I was then thinking of when I wanted to go (yes, when, not where). I knew you were only meant to go a few seconds ahead the first time, but after all my hard work I just couldn’t resist it, I felt I deserved it. So I plugged 8th September 2933 into the time machine and away I went.
Sorry for rudely interrupting Hade’s action-packed narrative but as the time machine I think I have a right to, and I think he’s making a very big mistake. Even though he made me, a time machine, by some considered a staple of futuristic worlds, the truth is Hade Phillips isn’t a very futuristic man. For starters he made me from salvaged scrap metal. Who’d use scrap metal when we all know the and future is in carbon nanotubes. Then he used a combination of a black and white command-line-style OS and some dials, when you’ve got an abundance of touch screen and voice control powered interfaces.
Back to the point. As a good time machine would, I took him to his destination. I landed on a mountain observation point and the view was a billion dollars. And that’s in 2013 money, let alone 2933 money. The mountain was covered in lush green grass, shrubs and bushes, but at the bottom of the mountain was a large metropolis with sky-high towers that nearly eclipsed our height. Lots of happy residents, I’d bet. The other sides of the mountain were covered in dense forest, to ensure keep nature happy too.
My time machine took me to a mountain observation point which was covered in plants. Ugh, I hate nature. And then I looked ahead and I nearly had a cardiac arrest. I saw a city full of towers. Who’d want to live in those crowded slums, with no space to move a nanometer. And I looked around for a nice suburban respite but no, even more nature. It was a dense, dark forest that even in broad daylight sent chills up my spine. I couldn’t take it any more. I fainted.
He fell onto a ledge and I tried to get the attention of the locals. They were very helpful in getting him back to the observation point. 21st century humans could learn a thing or two from them. Anyway, they took Dr Phillips to a large hospital. Apparently these were only ‘secondary’ hospitals, of which there were 144 around the city. Oh, and did I tell you that this society counts in twelves, using a dozenal number system. Back to the point. He was let out after two days, and he seemed better than normal. Once again, we could learn a thing or two from them. Naturally, Hade wouldn’t accept that in the future we’d have far superior healthcare, so he started plotting.