Friday, 16 December 2011
The roots of evil (are not money)
I was giddy to try out my new time machine, and for good reason – I was working on it since I was 9 back in 1997, just day-dreaming about time-machines, when my mind clicked, and I knew what I had to do. The process of making the time machine became much more complicated than I had thought, but I eventually finished.
I was then thinking of when I wanted to go (yes, when, not where). I knew you were only meant to go a few seconds ahead the first time, but after all my hard work I just couldn’t resist it, I felt I deserved it. So I plugged 8th September 2933 into the time machine and away I went.
Sorry for rudely interrupting Hade’s action-packed narrative but as the time machine I think I have a right to, and I think he’s making a very big mistake. Even though he made me, a time machine, by some considered a staple of futuristic worlds, the truth is Hade Phillips isn’t a very futuristic man. For starters he made me from salvaged scrap metal. Who’d use scrap metal when we all know the and future is in carbon nanotubes. Then he used a combination of a black and white command-line-style OS and some dials, when you’ve got an abundance of touch screen and voice control powered interfaces.
Back to the point. As a good time machine would, I took him to his destination. I landed on a mountain observation point and the view was a billion dollars. And that’s in 2013 money, let alone 2933 money. The mountain was covered in lush green grass, shrubs and bushes, but at the bottom of the mountain was a large metropolis with sky-high towers that nearly eclipsed our height. Lots of happy residents, I’d bet. The other sides of the mountain were covered in dense forest, to ensure keep nature happy too.
My time machine took me to a mountain observation point which was covered in plants. Ugh, I hate nature. And then I looked ahead and I nearly had a cardiac arrest. I saw a city full of towers. Who’d want to live in those crowded slums, with no space to move a nanometer. And I looked around for a nice suburban respite but no, even more nature. It was a dense, dark forest that even in broad daylight sent chills up my spine. I couldn’t take it any more. I fainted.
He fell onto a ledge and I tried to get the attention of the locals. They were very helpful in getting him back to the observation point. 21st century humans could learn a thing or two from them. Anyway, they took Dr Phillips to a large hospital. Apparently these were only ‘secondary’ hospitals, of which there were 144 around the city. Oh, and did I tell you that this society counts in twelves, using a dozenal number system. Back to the point. He was let out after two days, and he seemed better than normal. Once again, we could learn a thing or two from them. Naturally, Hade wouldn’t accept that in the future we’d have far superior healthcare, so he started plotting.